I Surrender
by wine-scars-and-retro-acid
Summary: Dandy Winston, Dallas Winston's little sister, has been leading a rough life. Her world is shaken when she finds out the truth about Dally, and she's at her weakest point. When "the one" comes along, she's too weak to admit it. She loves him, and it's the perfect Greaser love story. Until... / Rewritten version of my fic, "Skinny Love".
1. Prologue

Dandelion (Dandy) Winston has had a very rough life. She is finally making her way back up to somewhat normality, when she learns of the tragedy that occurred shortly before she came home. She lost a brother and a best friend, and despite all of the other "brothers" she has from the gang to help her cope, she still struggles. Nothing seems to be going right for her, until she quickly falls in love, unaware of what she's doing. Her life peaks, and she is happy once again. Read on to get to know Dandy, as you've already been acquainted with the other characters from "The Outsiders", and see how Dandy's full story affects you.

Comments/reviews are always appreciated, as it gives me ideas on how to make my writing better and inspires me to keep writing! :-) Please let me know what you think of this story & feel free to PM me with any questions or suggestions! - Hannah


	2. Chapter 1

I braced myself and put a nickel that I had stolen from the girls' home into the slot.

 _"Maybe I shouldn't be doing this,"_ I thought. I hadn't talked to Darry, or anyone from that gang, in that matter, in what had seemed like a lifetime.

I walked away from the payphone and paced around for a few minutes. I made my way back to the phone and rested my head against the wooden case that was supporting it against the outer bricks of the building. Breathing in hard, I dialed the number of the roofing office and asked, "May I please speak to Darrell Curtis?"

Sounding confused and slightly annoyed, the woman replied, "Who is this?"

"Please, just tell him it's important... I know that he's busy and all, but I wouldn't be calling if it ain't important..."

The woman sighed, and I could tell that she just thought I was some girl wasting her time. After hearing background noise for a while, I figured it was probably the woman fighting over the phone with someone. Suddenly, Darry picked up and my heart nearly stopped beating.

"Hello? Who is this?" he asked, without an idea that it was me. How could he have known, though? I was probably the last person he expected to be on the phone with.

"Daddy? It's me." Quietly, I inhaled and exhaled a few times, nervously, before Darry answered.

"Daddy? ... Well, good God. Nobody calls me Daddy except... No. It can't be! Is it really you, Dandy?"

I felt tears gently falling down my cheeks, and thought for a moment that they were his, leaking through the phone. I realized they were my own tears, as I stammered, "I, I... Well, I wanted to call Dally, but I wouldn't know where to find him... I... I just... I want to come home. I really hated it there at that damn girls' home, I don't know why they put me there in the first place, Dally could've taken care of me just fine. I'm so glad I got out of that place; it was ugly, real ugly. Girls were starving and beating each other, I wish I would have brought that blade Dally got me. Daddy, I'm so scared. Please help me, don't let them ever make me go back there!"

There was a long pause; Darry must not have known how to answer. He sighed, "Oh... Good thing that you called me, kid. You had us all worried sick for quite a while there, with the girls' home calling us and telling us you were missing and all. I was about ready to call the police and have them bring... Dally... out of jail in hopes of you coming back for him..."

Once again, there was a long pause, and it seemed that he was choking up when he said Dally's name. He wasn't really a softie, so I got confused. I stared at out at the emptiness and the people passing by, and they gave me glares - looking at me as if I was some sort of contagious filth, just because I was a Greaser. I regained focus once I heard Darry's voice again.

"Now, I'm not about to get all emotional on you, but Dandy, you gotta listen to me. I'm serious." As I listened intently, Darry gave instructions and told me what to do on my way home; you could tell by his voice that he was crying happy tears. I missed him.

"Go straight to our house. Don't stop at the DX or any place else. Not to your place, not to Buck's or Tim's. Come straight home, straight here. You understand? Straight home... And shoot, kid. I missed you. We all did."

"I know, Daddy. I know." I nodded my head, though he couldn't see me.

My time at the payphone expired, so I hung up the phone. I just couldn't stand listening to the empty dial tone anymore.

 _"It's time to go home, for good this time,"_ I thought.

Unfortunately, I didn't follow Darry's instructions on getting straight home too thoroughly. When I made it to the Curtis' house, my skin was bloodied and bruised. God, I was such an idiot. Why didn't I just listen to Darry? He knows best, and I've let him down.


	3. Chapter 2

Feeling extremely out of breath, I pounded weakly on the Curtis brothers' door. I know that they always left it unlocked, so I could have just opened the door and crawled in, but I was in too much pain to open it up myself. Blood was dripping slowly from my lips, and it appeared thickly on my chin and around my teeth.

Steve answered the door. I was expecting for him to say something similar to, "Hey, kiddo. We missed you." After glimpsing at my physical condition, Steve was at a loss for words. He simply nodded, solemnly, and gently pushed me inside.

Two-Bit shouted without even giving me a glance, "Hey, she's here!" He paused, and everybody ran in. When they all saw how beat up my frail little body was, their faces went blank with despair.

"Geez, kid," Two-Bit started to say, "You look worse than hell." _"That's where I just was,"_ I wanted to say, but didn't. An eerie silence filled up the room.

Darry, with a worried face, ran into the kitchen and came back moments later with a cold, wet rag. I closed my eyes and felt him press it against my cheek. My lungs filled with too much air, and it was hard to get out any words. Flustered and teary-eyed, I tried to explain to Darry what had happened.

"D-D-Darry... I'm sorry. Oh, damnit me... Uh... I'm stupid. I'm so, so stupid... Darry. I-I-I didn't come straight here. I went to see my parents. They didn't even acknowledge me. They didn't even know I left. Those bastards didn't even have an idea those people took me away from Dally and put me in a girl's home. Almost seven months. Seven whole months! And they didn't even have a clue... Huh... I'm such a fool... Dally's going to kill me, he hates it when I talk about our folks, when I let those bastards get to me..."

My voice trailed off. There was obvious hurt in Darry's eyes. I don't think it was because I didn't listen to him on the way home, but because my parents had neglected me and beaten me.

I started feeling guilt, or maybe shame. Perhaps anger. Ponyboy must have sensed it, so he reassured me, "It's alright. It's alright. Don't get yourself too worked up over it."

I felt myself getting sick, but nobody noticed while Two-Bit was saying, "Yeah, Lil' Winston. We're couldn't be more relieved to have you back. Forget them - we're your real family, and we ain't going anywhere."

I couldn't hold in my self-disgust any more. I ran to the kitchen and threw up. Even though the gang tried to comfort me, telling me that my scrapes bruises weren't my fault, I hated myself for this. Hatred. That wasn't the word, but then again, no word could describe my feelings at that moment. Relief? No. Anguish? Maybe. I felt like something was missing, I felt empty. And I didn't know why, which made me feel even more hurt and sick to my stomach.

Darry softly touched my shoulder and helped me up. "Let's get you cleaned up, Lil' Lady," he said.

Sodapop turned on the water for me while Darry went to go get a towel.

"Sorry, Soda. For making' such a mess in your kitchen, I mean... I couldn't help myself. I'm just so s-scared. And I feel real horrible," I said, looking at Soda with sad eyes.

"You're safe with us, Dandy. Steve and I will skin anyone that tries to get near you. Okay?" He kissed my forehead as he left. It was Soda's way of letting me know that it would all be okay.

Darry came in with a clean blue towel and an oversized t-shirt. He had a funny look on his face, I couldn't quite pinpoint why.

"Here you go, chickadee. There weren't any clothes that would fit you, not even Pony's, so I guess you'll have to make do with my old shirt." I smiled at him, thankfully. "With no pants," he added with an apologetic smirk.

I giggled as I said, "Thanks, Daddy."

Darry's eyes twinkled as he said, "You know, chickadee, you started calling me Daddy as soon as you could talk."

"Mm-hmm. Because you're a much better Daddy than the one Dally was always telling me to stay away from."

Darry ran his fingers through my long, greasy hair. He went back to the kitchen, where everyone else was, leaving me to clean the blood off my body...

I scrubbed my skin and ran some soap through my hair. Then, I dried off. I pulled the t-shirt over my body, and, although my hair was still wet, I put it into a knotted braid. I hung the towel up by the window to dry and started back to the gang.

I sat down slowly on the rough-textured couch next to Darry, but he grabbed me and nudged me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me, like he used to do when I was much younger. Staring at me blankly, Two-Bit shoved a beer into my face and insisted that I glut myself with alcohol.

"Drink up, kid. You're gonna need it."

Confused, I refused the alcohol and took a few pills to get rid of the pain from my beating. I had suffered beatings that were much worse, so I had trouble comprehending why Two-Bit thought I needed a drink. The aspirins numbed the pain just fine, I didn't need anything else. I soon learned that he wasn't talking about drinking away the physical pain, but the emotional and mental pain that was soon to come.

"Dally won't let me drink," I said. "And you know that, Two-Bit..." I looked around and realized my brother wasn't even here. I must have been so lightheaded before that I wasn't able to fully register my surroundings and who all that was with me. "Wait. Where is Dally?" Dreadfully, I asked, "Did the fuzz get him again?"

Two-Bit, his face turning red, replied, "Oh, hell. Yeah, Dandy. They really got him this time." Steve smacked Two-Bit hard on the face. I could tell it must have hurt; because I heard the whip-crack noise that you usually only hear in cartoons - like when Mickey would have smacked Pete. That's what it sounded like. _Why did Steve do that?_

Tears started to fill my eyes, and my mind flooded with questions. " _What if he's stuck in prison?" "What if he'll never get out?" "What if they aren't going to let him see me anymore?"_ My heart palpitations soon turned to headaches as I began asking the questions that were clogging my mind. The sound levels and pitches of my voice rose with each question that was asked.

"Shhh... Dandelion, you need to calm down. We have something very serious to discuss with you," Darry whispered in my ear.

Getting frustrated, I scoffed, "Never call me Dandelion. You know I hate that. Those heartless hippies that call themselves my parents, they named me Dandelion... Dally and I hate it... Call me Dandy. You know to call me Dandy." I didn't mean to be so aggressive, but I was in a vulnerable mood. It wasn't normal of me to get so mouthy with Darry. What was coming over me?

Darry apologized, "I'm sorry, chickadee. This is something very serious that we are going to talk about." He bit his lip.

I knew that whatever I was about to hear was going to be bad; otherwise it wouldn't be so hard to say. Hyperventilations and vague aches came all over my body.

Ponyboy, sitting quietly across the room in a plaid covered chair, opened his mouth to speak. "Dandy, I'm real sorry about all of this..."

Two-Bit played with my hair while Ponyboy spoke, and I still don't know if it was for his comfort or mine.

"A few months ago, probably two months, I'm guessing. Well, Johnny and I got into a fight with some Socs, and a Soc was killed. We knew Dally would know what to do, so we went to him for help, and he told us about an old church..." Ponyboy told the entire story of what had happened two months ago. His voice seemed to trail off except for whenever he mentioned Dally's name. When he started crying, I knew I should be focusing. That was hard for me, I always had to stay moving; my attention span wasn't very long. Just like Dally. It led us two into trouble sometimes.

Everyone around had tears coming down their faces, even Two-Bit, who was always smiling. I didn't understand what they were all saying. It couldn't be true. What they were saying was nonsense.

Johnny had died, weak in the hospital.

Dally had died, after raising his gun to the police. "That's what he wanted. He wanted to die," they all said.

It was true that he always got what he wanted, but this couldn't be. He couldn't have wanted this.

No.

No.

Not my brother. Not Dallas Winston. He was too strong, too brave, too...

I couldn't believe it. This couldn't be happening. I had already had such a rough life, and now, this... I refused to believe it, until I ran out of the house, sprinting solo for blocks and blocks, now running faster than any one of the gang, until I reached the cemetery. All the way in the back, close to the woods, was a single, undecorated grave with only three words on the headstone:

"Dallas Tucker Winston."

I couldn't believe it. No, it wasn't possible. He was all lonely, all by himself. He had always pushed away every man or woman that came into his way, and now he finally got what he wanted - Dallas was finally alone, and Dallas was dead. _Is that really what he wanted?_ _Sometimes people want strange things, you can't comprehend their needs and wants - you refuse to when you love them._

My head filled with all of the things that I overheard people in Tulsa say about Tulsa. "Watch out for Dallas Winston, he'll take away your innocence." "Damn greaser, stay away from that scum." "Dirty Dallas, he'll never amount to a thing except the record for most times in jail." "Dally Winston. He's a real nice guy if you get on his good side, but he doesn't love nobody. Nobody. Dally's bitter on the inside."

My head ached, and I tried to think about all of the good things people had said about him, but there were none that came to me. My brother, my beloved brother, Dallas Tucker Winston, was gone. Dallas Tucker Winston, who everyone falsely accused of being a hoodlum, though he was so much more than that seven-letter-word, was gone. My only family was gone.

I allowed myself enough energy to stand up, and I walked, slowly... slowly... slowly... Until I made it to Buck Merrill's place. Dally warned me to never go in there, he said I was too young, too innocent for that type of partying. But Dally was gone. He also told me never to drink. But Dally was gone. Dally wasn't there to tell me to stop. So I didn't stop. I drank... And drank... And drank...


	4. Chapter 3

_I drank. And drank. And drank. All night long._

My head pounded and my body ached. I thought to myself, _"Why am I feeling so sick?"_ I looked around the room and I remembered.

I was in Dally's room at Buck's place. Last night, I had attempted to drink away my feelings, but waking up this morning, or afternoon (I didn't know what time it was), has brought all of the angers and sorrows back to me. Still feeling drunk, I could barely stand up. I looked up at the dresser and saw an old photograph of a much younger Dallas holding me as a baby. Between the tears, the taste of alcohol, and the hangover I was going through, I couldn't handle it anymore. I came crashing to the floor and closed my eyes, painfully remembering the last time I was in this room.

I was almost thirteen. That was over a year ago.

 _I see myself climb up the rope ladder hanging from the window in Dally's room. My face burns, the wind blows, and I nearly fall. I pound continuously on the window until it cracks and I am able to open it. There he is, my brother, Dallas, lying on the bed. I don't want to wake him, but this is too important to wait until tomorrow to tell him. I crawl next to him and bury myself under the beer-stained covers, snuggling close to my brother for feelings of safety._

 _His breathing gets heavier, but he still doesn't notice me next to him._

 _"Dallas," I whisper, trying to be gentle because he may be sleeping through a rough hangover. "Dal, wake up. Please, it's me."_

 _No luck; he doesn't wake up._

 _"C'mon Dal, don't be this way ..." I give up and begin flicking him on the cheeks until he wakes up. He rubs his eyes and rolls over, almost crushing me. "Dally!" I say, hardly being able to breathe with the weight of a (then) sixteen-year-old boy weighing on top of me. "Dal, please. Wake up, for God's sake! This is real important!"_

 _Dally, with his eyes dark and wide, seems confused. "Huh? Who are you?"_

" _Dal, it's me. It's Dandy, your sister... Look, Dal. I know it's hard, I know you want to sleep and I understand that you're probably drunk and you can't think straight, but please just try to listen to me. There's something I've really, really got to tell you." I look straight into his eyes and begin crying. Almost instantly, he snaps and seems sobered up._

 _Dallas remembers who I was, and having never seen me this upset before, pulls me into a hug._

 _"Quiet down a bit, will ya? Buck will kill me if he finds out a little girl like you is in his party house... Now, tell me, Dandy, what's troubling you? Huh?"_

 _I don't want to tell him, I can't possibly... But I have to tell him, or else he'd... Damnit! Oh, why oh why has this happened? I should have just walked home; I knew it was suspicious that I was just standing around there. But I didn't have a blade with me. Oh, what was I thinking! Dally's done so much to protect me, to keep me safe and away from my parents, now I'm getting taken away from him. I was going to tell Dally, I had to, even if it took all of the energy I had._

 _"Dandy? C'mon - what do you have to tell me?"_

 _I sighed, filled my lungs with air, and opened my mouth. "Dally, yesterday, when I was waiting for a ride after school from Two-Bit, he was running a little late. I didn't mind, I just sat on the sidewalk and began to carve things in the dirt with my fingers-"_

 _Dally stopped me. "Did you have a blade with you?"_

 _"No, Dally..." I didn't want to talk about that, though. I knew he'd just freak on me and scold me for not carrying a blade. I took a quick breath, and kept the focus on the rest of the story. "So, I was waiting on Two-Bit, and some strange lady drove up. She asked what I was doing, and I told her I was waiting' for my ride. She asked my name, and said she'd drive me home. I was real confused, you know? And she just kept insisting that she take me home. She said she was from some child services place, I can't remember the name. You know me, never able to remember details unless they're 'old news'. I had no idea who she was, I didn't want anything to do with this creep, but it's not like I had a choice... So this lady, she puts me in her car and drives me home. She just sits with me in the gravel that's supposed to be our driveway, and she won't let me out of the car. You can hear Mom and Dad screaming at each other, then a bottle of vodka flies out the window in the front. The lady hesitantly drops me off, with an apologetic smile, and puts a letter on the porch. She told me that I'm going to a girls' home, Dally. A girls' home. And there ain't anything I can do about it. Not until they find me a substantial guardian. She doesn't know that you take care of me, Dal. If she did, I bet she'd let me stay with you. I'm going tomorrow, Dal. I'm leaving and don't know when I'm coming back..."_

 _I knew I hadn't explained it in full detail; I had no emotion when I told him. What was I supposed to do? I'd probably throw up if I gave him the whole story, what the lady has said about him. I couldn't do that to myself, or to Dally._

 _For the first time in my life, my brother, Dallas Tucker Winston, was getting teary-eyed. He claimed for it to be the stinging of the alcohol, but I knew that wasn't the case. Dally couldn't handle it. Not even the hangover numbed his feelings or kept the tear stains from his cheeks..._

 _"No. No. Shit, no. Quit joking, Dandy. That ain't something to joke about. You hear me?"_

 _I wasn't sure if he was lying to himself because he didn't want to hear it or if the alcohol was making him delusional, but I was on the verge of screaming when I said, "Dally... You know I'm not joking. I don't want to leave, I can't even think about all the times you've saved me, and how now I can't come crying to you... It breaks my heart not having you as my brother anymore, Dallas. But I have to go; at least I'll have a chance of seeing you after this. If I didn't go, I'd probably never see you... I promise to come back, I promise. And I don't break promises, Dal. You know that."_

 _Dally sensitively pulled me in for a hug and just held me there, "Shh. Dandy, now don't talk like that. I'm still your brother, I still - I, I still - I'll still love you, Dandy. And you know that. I always have, and I always will. I want you to know that. When I turn eighteen I'm going to get you out of that girls' home, I'm going to be your guardian and I'm going to make sure you're safe. Until then, I'm gonna sober up, I'm gonna quit partying around, and damn, I gotta quit smoking... If you get even one problem at that place, you make sure to run out and come right back here to me, okay? And Dandy, don't forget..." But it was too late; I had already cried myself to sleep in Dally's arms._

 _Leaving the next morning was the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life._

Turning my head side to side, I heard echoes of soft music and felt myself bumping all around. I opened my eyes up, and then realized that I was in the back of Steve's pickup truck. Soda was sitting next to me in the back seat.

He kissed my forehead; just like he had the day before, letting me know that everything was alright. "Hey, Dandy... Stay lying down, quit moving so much. Everything is going to be all right. Just drink some of the water; it will help with your headache."

The painful realization came that it wasn't my head that ached from drinking too much, it wasn't my stomach that ached from not having any food - it was my heart that ached with emptiness. I had lost the most important person in my life. And the thing that killed me inside was that I wasn't even there to say goodbye.


	5. Chapter 4

Six weeks have passed since I came home and found out the cold truth about Dally. Six weeks have passed since I tried to drink all of my feelings away. Six weeks have passed since I've _tried_ to move on... Six weeks, six weeks, six weeks...

My life is pretty much in order now. I say pretty much because my brother, Dallas, is still dead, and is going to stay dead. I still have no legal guardian, and I've been staying in a house where five guys come and go each day. Since I was sent to the girls' home, my parents lost custody of me. Steve is going to fight with the court to become my guardian once he turns eighteen, which will only be in a few months. Though, with the way I've been living, a few months can feel like a few years. Steve's slate is pretty much clean with the fuzz, except for a few documentations of rumbles that he has been a part of, so I don't see why they wouldn't let him take care of me. Besides, I'm almost fifteen; I only need a guardian because the state says I need one. I can take care of myself, really.

I've been trying to keep myself active. Darry says that when you exercise, it produces something in your body that makes you happier. I'm not sure if it's been working, but I do know one thing for sure - I'm glad that Ponyboy enjoys running. The last time I saw him, before I left to go to the girls' home, he was interested in track. He was a speedy runner, too!

The weather was getting warmer, and I was looking forward to track starting, so I could race with Ponyboy.

"It's finally springtime, Pony! Do you know what that means?" I asked, eagerly for his response.

"Uhhh..." He said, "I don't know, Dandy."

"Come on, Ponyboy! Just think... What do you usually do when the weather gets nicer?" I asked, hoping he'd be able to guess what I was talking about.

"Um, go to the beach? I don't know, Dandy, just tell me!" He said, as I watched his cheeks turning red.

"RUNNING! Track starts in the spring, you dummy!" I laughed at him. Though I'm not allowed on track since I'm a girl, I still like to watch the practices and go to the races. Sometimes, I even dream about the day when I'll be allowed to race on that track, against other sweaty, determined females.

"Well, Pony won't be in track for long if he doesn't quit smoking... I might not even let him do it at all," Darry piped in.

"Gee, thanks, Dandy. Why'd you have to bring that up?" Pony bluffed. I could tell he wasn't _really_ mad at me; my guess was that he was just trying to get me frustrated. Though he wasn't my brother, like Dally was, he sure teased me like he was.

"What's the matter, Pon? I thought you liked track!" I said...

"Well, I do... It's just, I'm sort of a track star, if you know what I mean," He winked as if he were a big-shot, while I simply rolled my eyes. "And it's just a lot of pressure, you know? Last year I was so good, but ever since Johnny left me, I don't have the energy to do _anything_ , really. Especially not running."

I put my hand on his shoulder as I said, "Yeah, whatever 'track star'. I know how it feels to miss someone - especially someone you love..." I sighed, remembering how much I miss Dally. (I didn't mean to take his pain from the loss of Johnny away from him; I was only trying to relate my feelings with him, trying to let him know that he wasn't alone. Later, Steve told me that I had seemed a little bitter with Ponyboy.) "And I know how hard pressure can be on you, but I've found that running helps me get my mind off of things. Want to go run with me? I use it to walk myself through my feelings, you know? We can talk while we're running, if you want."

"I guess... That'll be fine."

I excitedly pulled a solemn Ponyboy outside and started jogging down the street with him. We ran through the lot that he and Johnny spent so much time together in, and his eyes got a little misty. I felt sort of bad, so I quickened my pace. Ponyboy followed, we got away from the lot in less time, and we made it to the woods.

"Do you like trail running, Pony?" I asked.

"Nah, not as much as running on the track! You know I don't like running distance!" He said. I could tell he would rather be doing some sort of sprint workout, but this would do.

"I know, but I do!" I smirked.

We ran for a while. The running included a little bit of small talk, combined with a little bit of short-windedness. Finally, we made it to the edge of the woods, and Pony grabbed my hand.

"Dandy, sit down with me. My knee is killing me!" He said, looking up at me.

"Ponyboy, you shouldn't sit down then. You should just take it easy and walk until the pain goes away," I said to him, but of course, he wasn't listening. He had already sat down by the tree. Reluctantly, I sat next to him. I sighed, because I knew this was going to hurt me when I tried to get back up.

"Dandy?" He asked.

"Yeah, Pony?" I laughed and watched his eyes light up.

"Well, you know how you said you know how it feels to lose someone you love? You don't think you could ever replace them, huh?" This conversation had suddenly gotten heavier than I had expected. I did promise him that we could talk things out while we were running, though.

"Yeah, I remember... But no, nobody could ever replace Dally. My heart feels empty without him. But, I've learned to get used to it, I guess." I said, looking downward, sort of sadly.

"And if someone ever made your heart complete?..." He asked, leaning closer, showing off growing interest in this conversation.

"Ponyboy, where are you going with this?"

I leaned in and kissed him, after realizing what he had meant. I realized that he wanted to make me happy, that he really, really liked me. And that I really, really liked him, too. I knew I shouldn't have kissed him, but I _wanted_ to. I had to take that chance. Apparently, so did Ponyboy.

I needed someone to fill the hole in my heart that was by the removal of Dally from my life, and Ponyboy was the perfect choice. He was my best friend, and I always had this vague sense that there was something special about him. Now, I knew exactly what that was. I was swooning.

But soon, I realized that this would never work out between us. It couldn't possibly... No - no, no, no, no, no, no, no. If the gang found out, they would never stop tormenting us about it. And if Darry found out - oh God, I hope Darry never found out! He'd be angry, confused, disappointed, and full of so many negative emotions. After all he had done for Pony and I to keep us safe, happy, and healthy, and this is how we were repaying him! I just, well... My first kiss, and probably my last one. I couldn't even think...

I pulled away, painfully stood up, and continued my run with tears streaming down my face. What had I done?

 _I had found my first love, that's what I had done._


	6. Chapter 5

"Dandy! What are you doing? Come back!" Ponyboy chased after me.

"Please, Pony... I want to be alone," I pleaded with him, and turned away. I kept running. He caught up to me, though.

He was a remarkably fast runner, despite the fact that he was always short of breath. I knew if I kept running, he'd have to stop at some point - I ran longer distances, while he ran shorter ones at a faster pace than a bat coming out of Hell. I decided that trying to run away from him was useless; that I really should try talking out my emotions with him. In one split, hormonal second, I was able to rid myself of all of the hurt feelings of the past week, and transmogrify them into a passionate friendship with an undetectable amount of remorse, possible something more than just a friendship.

I loved Ponyboy, I really did. But I just didn't know what to do, I had never felt like this before. Even if I had a small crush on a boy, Dally would have socked them. Now that Dally wasn't around anymore, I still wasn't sure what to do with my feelings.

I slowly shortened the length of my steps until there was nothing left. I glanced at Ponyboy, but then turned my head. What was I supposed to say to him?

"Dandy," he started, but he was at a loss for words, too.

Sometimes, in times like these, it's best to say nothing at all, rather than too much.

Ponyboy pulled me into a hug, because he, too, understood the reason that if we were ever together, it would end like it did for Romeo and Juliet. He was always tastefully understanding. He knew when things were going right, when they were going wrong; he knew when to give a hug, and when to pull away.

Tears were violently released from my eyes as I leaned against his shoulder.

Our short romance hadn't even lasted an hour, and it was already gathering more emotions and drama than I'd seen in my entire lower-class life.

"Ponyboy," I whispered, "I don't want this to end. We haven't even started." He held me tighter. Still, he understood.

"We can't be sneaking around. That odds that all would end well with that are pretty much _extinct_."

I extricated myself from the comforting arms that were wrapped around me, and looked up at his face.

"I love you, though, Ponyboy," I said. He didn't even need to say anything, he knew. I knew. We both knew.

A tear cascaded down his cheek, and I wiped it off with my finger. Slowly, I moved closer to him. Our lips crashed like waves on a beach - rough and unlikely, but beautiful and relaxing.

I couldn't control myself, neither could he. This secret relationship was going to be difficult, but I had made it through worse.

Was I really going to let a little danger get the best of me? Hell, I'm a Greaser - of course not!


	7. Chapter 6

Among all happiness, there is also sadness. Even a sliver of darkness can be found in the light.

I've been so happy, everything has been going well for me... Sort of.

No matter what it is, I find a small thing to trigger me in whatever I do.

I love Ponyboy, but I shouldn't. I should, I need someone in my life to love. But I'm so young and I've already lost everyone important to me. I don't want to risk losing anyone else.

Everything is a risk.

Everything is a trigger.

Yet everything somehow turns out happier in the next day, just as easy as it becomes dreary by night.

I must hide these feelings, forget these thoughts.


	8. Chapter 7

It is now September. School has started and I'm taking a lot of courses with smarter boys, though I don't have nearly as much anticipation about the matter as I used to. High school always seems like a dream in the movies. Then again, those beach movies make summer seem fantastic and eventful, which it isn't if you're a Greaser. I guess school's not that bad, though. More opportunities for sports, which is a plus. But, as a girl, all I am really allowed to do is cheerleading, so I guess that isn't much of a plus. More testing, more homework, more of the colder kind of weather and less of the warmer kind, less time to spend with the gang, more afterschool committees, and more distractions.

Those distractions being Ponyboy.

Yes, we had been keeping up our "romance" for weeks. We had found time for each other whenever we could: wandering in the hallways in between classes, at the house before Darry and Soda were home from work, in the mornings before school started, whenever we could.

Steve has received permission from the county to take care of me, so I'll probably have to move in with him soon. I'm unsure of myself anymore. At first, I wanted to live with Steve. I'd be more independent, and the Curtis family wouldn't need to spend money on an extra person. It seems to me that there are more cons than pros, though. Ponyboy won't be the last person I see before I go to sleep each night. Darry won't be in the next room for me to run to when I'm having nightmares about the night I found out about Dally's death. I'll miss the way Sodapop wouldn't be able to sleep, thinking about Sandy and how I'd stay up with him because I couldn't stop thinking about my love, either. (Of course, I never revealed his name. There would have been a true dispute if anyone had found out about Ponyboy and I. This secret has been eating me alive!)

I've only been to Steve's house twice. Once when I was little, but I can't remember much. The other time I've visited there was when I was eleven or so, and he needed Dally to help him fix the piping for the kitchen sink. Steve's parents were out of town, then, thankfully. Dally told me they were just as bad (abuse-wise) as our folks. The rumor from Ponyboy is that they packed up and left one day, sometime throughout the span of time that I spent in the girls' home.

I don't know how I'm going to make this transition, but I've been moved around from house to house to apartment to apartment for as long as I can remember – Dally always placed me wherever he thought I'd be safest. That location changed a lot, so I've found a few tricks to make transporting myself and the few belongings I have a little bit easier.

Hey, I'm Dandy Winston – I can so do this! (Minus the fact that I've become so dependent on my relationship with Ponyboy that I'm going to need his support.)


	9. Chapter 8

Things have been going fairly smoothly. Moving in with Steve had been easier than I thought it would be. I still get to see Ponyboy every morning and night. I don't look at anything else, other than Ponyboy, before I go to sleep. That way, he is the last thing I see every night. When I have nightmares about losing Dally, Steve isn't much of a comfort. He cares about me, but he isn't good at showing that he is a caring person. That's just not in his personality.

I've been working harder so I have less anxiety about Dally's death. The past year has been really stressful for me, but I don't want anyone to know how I'm feeling. I still go to Darry and tell him about how nervous and upset I get. He said similar things happen to soldiers returning from the Vietnam War. After they've lost their friends or family members, or watched others lose their lives, they aren't able to function as they had before. They relive painful events and have untimely periods of heavy breathing and nervousness. Doctors aren't aware of what to call this, they don't know how to treat it. When someone starts acting up, doctors just send them away. I hate it.

There was a girl that I was in class with in second grade. Her name was Suzie and she was always a little slower than everyone in the class. She had trouble listening to directions and I believe she was hard of hearing. Once, the teacher got so fed up with her inability to learn that she paddled her. The girl wouldn't stop crying, and the teacher dialed a phone number. The girl's mother came to pick her up and nobody in our class saw that girl again. I heard a few Socs say on multiple occasions that she was taken to some state school for stupid people. I don't understand why some people can't be tolerant. If someone has a darker skin tone than you, lower income than you, different tastes than you, isn't as mentally privileged as you, or is a woman, they are suddenly considered inferior. I'm too afraid to speak my mind for fear or being sent to one of those state hospitals or to prison.

For the past few years, we've been tornado-free in Tulsa. That changed two nights ago. Pony and I were walking home from school. I was ticking him off, fawning over the slightly-wrinkled James Dean poster that I had just purchased at the secondhand shop.

"Ponyboy," I teased, "I'm going to hang this up on the wall. JD will be last thing I see every night before I go to sleep. Isn't that great?"

Ponyboy rolled his eyes and smirked at me before giving me a slight (joking) push. The James Dean poster flew out of my hands and drifted into the street.

"Sorry, Dandy! I was just joking around, I didn't mean for you to lose your poster," Ponyboy apologized. "How about I go and get it?"

"Fine, just be careful!" I said. A powerful gust of wind blew the poster away and almost knocked me over. Ponyboy, of course, went after the poster.

"Forget it, Pony!" I called. "Help me up!"

As he walked back towards me, tornado sirens blared loud enough for you to hear them throughout the entire state of Oklahoma. The only other time there was a tornado in Tulsa (in my lifetime, that is) is when I was eight years old, so I don't remember it that well.

I was terrified, shaking actually. Ponyboy knew what to do, though. He always did, that sweet Greaser boy of mine.

"Darry prepared me in case a tornado ever came," he said. Without a second thought about it, he put his arm around my shoulder and we ran back to the house. Sodapop was already standing outside the storm cellar waiting for us.

"Daddy? Where are you? Sodapop, where's Darry?" I asked, frantically.

Sodapop kissed my forehead as he said, "Don't worry, chickadee. He called about five minutes ago to tell me he's at work. He's going to stay inside the roofing office. He's safe there."

"Come on down, Dandy!" Steve shouted from below.

"Yeah," said Two-Bit, "We've got plenty of beer to keep us going through the night!" His laugh echoed throughout the cellar.

I rolled my eyes and climbed into the cellar, Ponyboy and Sodapop followed.

We talked in there for a good three hours, then the lights went out and it was dark. Cold, moist, and dark. I snuggled up next to Ponyboy and he stroked my hair. I was desperately cold and needed him for warmth, plus it was dark so nobody could possibly see what we were doing.

That's what I thought.

I woke up the next morning on the disgusting, beer-stained couch at the Curtis household. When I opened my eyes, Sodapop was standing over me. He didn't have the happy-go-lucky look on his face that he usually did. He looked stern, sort of like Darry when Ponyboy is messing around.

 _"What am I doing here? Why is he looking at me like that?"_ I asked myself, then thought, _"He must have seen Ponyboy and I. Oh God, what do I say to him?!"_

"Dandy..." he started, frowning.

"Soda, it was nothing. I swear." I said, probably speaking too fast for it to seem like the truth.

"I wish you were telling me the truth, Dandy," he said. "I love you, chickadee. You're like a sister to me, but that doesn't mean I can't get disappointed in you."

I stuttered, then closed my mouth shamefully, not knowing what to say.

Sodapop started to walk away, but I grabbed his hand and my eyes pleaded with him.

"Please," I whispered. "No more lies, I promise I won't tell any more lies, Soda. Just promise me that you'll keep this a secret."

He looked away and nodded, then turned around. He began walking away.

I sighed, my eyes filling with tears, and walked seemingly without a purpose, back to Steve's house to lock myself in my room.


	10. Chapter 9

Sodapop knows.

He promised he wouldn't tell, but it's only a matter of time before the secret of Ponyboy is out. Imagine Darry, he will feel so betrayed, after all of the care he's given me, only to find out that I've been hiding something huge from him.

I love Ponyboy to the point where it hurts. Each minuscule detail hurts. It hurts thinking that other girls might tempt him to leave me. It hurts thinking that we are living a lie. That nobody can know how much we care for each other. It hurts thinking that at any given point, he could leave me. Well, leave us all. Just like Dally did.

When Dally died, I thought about killing myself. I told Darry that I wouldn't ever go through with it, but I've already lied to him that I wasn't in a relationship with anyone. What's one more lie?

I went out for one last Coke with the gang, but acted as if it were normal so they wouldn't think anything abnormal of it. I guess that's the best way to leave people, so they don't treat you any differently the last time you're together.

As I was leaving the gang to go back home, I hugged each of them.

"Dandy, why are you being so friendly with us all of a sudden?" Two-Bit asked.

"No particular reason," I said. "I just felt like it." And I walked away.

I got home.

I wrote a note.

I filled a glass with my tears and left it for someone to drink.

And I left.

I was gone, just like that.


	11. Chapter 10

She touched the hearts of many, who were thought of as her family. One boy in particular, a Greaser, named Ponyboy Curtis.

Ponyboy Curtis. The boy who still couldn't get his head wrapped around all of this, even years later. Dandelion Winston left him with nothing but a note.

 _Dear Ponyboy,  
_ _I never thought I would be leaving you like this. I thought we would grow up, live together, maybe even have a family of our own. I thought we would be like the movies, where the boy dies first. I never thought I would be the one leaving you. I wanted to keep going on, I loved you so much Ponyboy. And I still do, somewhere up wherever I am. Heaven or something. You were my family, you and Darry, Sodapop, Steve, and Two-Bit. You all gave me more than I ever should have been able to ask for. And I'm so thankful for that. You gave me love, you were my love and I hope that someday we will be able to love each other again, for it was such a short time that I was able to care for you. But I just. Couldn't. Do. It. Any. Longer. I had to leave. Every day was becoming a struggle. Simple things like getting up in the brightness of the morning or turning off the lights when it was time for bed became far too strenuous for my mind to handle. I miss Dally, he's always taken care of me and I still can't get over the fact that I wasn't able to take care of him in his final hours. I wasn't even able to see him in his final hours. I need to be with him now. I love you, Ponyboy. I love each member of our gang, but you and I have a special love that started when we were "too young", and it will never get old. I don't want you to miss me. I don't want that for anyone. The last thing I would want to do is leave everyone hurting. Until we meet again, you should dismiss all of the memories of me. I'm hoping I have touched your life, but not in a way that will leave you grieving now. I regret every little mistake that I've ever made. I hate the cruelty of the world, the fact that people are segregated by race, gender, and income. I hate the way we Greasers can't do the same things Socs can do without the fear of getting jumped. I'm selfish, because all I want is love in this world. Your love. I want your love. You've given it to me, and I have nothing else to want anymore, except my death. Please don't think that even for a minute I don't appreciate what you've all done for me. I appreciate every single bit of it. I hope I can thank you some way, in some other life. Until then, please know that you did nothing wrong. Please know that I will always love you and I will always be watching over you, and that I'll say hello to your parents for you. Please forgive me.  
_ _With love and sorrow,  
_ _Dandy_


	12. Explanation

Since everyone seems to be confused on how _I Surrender_ ended, here are answers to some of the questions I've been getting lately.

 **Why can't Dandy be with Ponyboy?**

Dandy can't be with Pony because she feels like she would be betraying Darry. After all this hard work he's done for her to make sure she's well taken care of, and then he sees Dandy with Ponyboy, he'd think the only reason she wanted to spend so much time with the Curtis family was so she could have bae time with Ponyboy. That could turn into a disaster.

 **Why did Dandy kill herself?**

Dandy had serious anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder after Dally's death, and this is mentioned in one of the chapters of _I Surrender_. After all of the stress and guilt coming from dating Ponyboy, it was just too much for her to handle.


End file.
